Your first sugar date: what actually happens

How is a first sugar date arranged?

A first sugar date on SugarDaddyMeet is arranged in the message thread: two or three exchanges about city and week, then a time and a public venue. This guide has no count of how many days pass before that meeting. SugarDaddyMeet does not publish one we could check.

Only premium members can start a conversation. That is SugarDaddyMeet's rule, set out in its FAQ. Women reply free, so in practice he writes first, she answers, and the third or fourth message names a day.

A good proposal names a city, a week, two slots and a venue with a door, and it does not mention money. The other kind of message is in the salt daddy guide. If you are still deciding whether to register, the guide to finding a sugar daddy in the UK covers who is on the platform and what a realistic sugar relationship looks like.

Where should you meet for a first sugar date?

A first sugar date belongs in a public venue in the city centre, a coffee place in daylight or a hotel bar before seven, for sixty to ninety minutes. It should be near a station, somewhere you can leave without a detour. A hotel bar has a doorman, and nobody there minds if you leave after one drink.

Dinner is the wrong first meeting. It runs two and a half hours, it needs a booking he controls, it puts wine in front of two strangers, and it turns leaving into a performance. Named venues by budget for London, Manchester, Leeds and Glasgow, and a comparison of all seven cities we cover, are in the UK cities guide.

What should you wear on a first sugar date?

For her, the right outfit for a first sugar date is what you would wear to a good dinner with friends, not a night out. A dress or trousers you can sit in for ninety minutes, and shoes you can walk to the station in. Members tell us the women who do best look like they came from somewhere and are going somewhere after.

For him, the first rule is that the man at the table matches his profile photo, same weight and hairline, and taken this decade. A jacket, no tie needed, a shirt that has met an iron. The watch is noticed; the phone on the table is noticed more, so it stays in the pocket for ninety minutes. The photo rules for his side are in the profile guide.

Who pays for a first sugar date?

The sugar daddy pays for a first sugar date, without ceremony, and nobody discusses it. A man who suggests splitting a £24 bar tab has told you what the relationship would be like.

That is the only money involved. No allowance, no "gift", no travel money and no deposit changes hands on a first date, in either direction. Cash on the table is the start of a pay-per-meet, and Pay-per-meet, online-only, casual and short-term set-ups are not permitted on SugarDaddyMeet. Anyone asking for it, on either side, is described in the salt daddy guide linked above, and the report button is on their profile.

Four subjects to cover and four to leave for later

A first sugar date covers four subjects, your week, his week, what each of you wants and how often, and it leaves the figure for later. Ninety minutes is enough for those four and not enough for the rest.

The money conversation happens, just not at the table. Usually it is him, on the way out or in the next morning's message. Sometimes it is her, in one plain sentence, when he has said he wants to see her again and not said what that looks like. The wording, the ranges and a note on whether an allowance is taxed once it starts are in the allowance guide.

How do you end a first sugar date?

You end a first sugar date yourself at ninety minutes if he has not, and you say it standing up with your coat on. If it went well: "I have enjoyed this and I have somewhere to be at half seven. Message me about next week." If it did not: "Thank you for the drink. I think we want different things, but I am glad we met."

Nobody goes anywhere afterwards on a first date. Not to dinner because it went well, and not to his hotel room to see the view. Members who have been at this for years keep that rule; it is what makes a second date easy to say yes to.

Seven safety habits

Seven habits keep a first sugar date safe, and they cost nothing. Keep all seven on every first meeting, not only the first one with a new man.

1. Tell a friend where and who. Venue, time and his first name, sent before you leave. Message her when you sit down and from the train home.
2. Screenshot his profile. The photos and the message thread with the venue in it. If he deletes his account the next day you can still report him.
3. Own transport there and back. The train, or a cab booked on your own phone. You decide when it ends because you decide how you leave.
4. Stay on platform messaging until you have met. It is moderated, you can report from the thread, and your number stays yours.
5. First names only. Surname, employer and street stay with you until you have decided he is worth them. He gets the same courtesy.
6. No lift, no second location. Not to the station, not to "a better place round the corner". You leave the way you arrived.
7. Trust the doorman-bar rule. Staff on the door, other people in the room. How to verify him before you go is in the salt daddy guide linked above, and the platform's own safety advice is on our FAQ page.

The morning after

The morning after a first sugar date, whoever wants a second one says so before lunch and names a moment from the evening.

Silence means no. If you want a second date, say so within a day. If two days pass with nothing, close the thread.

Red flags at the table

Five behaviours end a first sugar date early, and each one is also a reason to report the profile to SugarDaddyMeet afterwards.

• He does not match the photosTen years or three stone is not a bad angle. Leave after one drink and report the profile.
• He talks about money firstBefore the drinks arrive. He is either buying cheaply or running the pay-per-meet script the platform bans.
• He pushes for a second location"I know a better place", "my hotel is two minutes away". One push is a test; the second is your cue to stand up.
• He drinks fast and wants you toTwo to your one, and he keeps ordering for you. Switch to water and finish at ninety minutes as planned.
• He asks for your address or workplaceWhich street, which office. A first date needs neither, and a man who needs them now will use them later.

First date questions